I've been reading up on potty training. My child is approaching two years old, and it just seemed like time for me to learn up on this huge milestone. I started by reading articles from different apps I have (Babycenter and BabySparks) and then checked out three books from the library. I'm really glad I am reading so much about it, because certain aspects of each book and article are all ringing true to me. So it is starting to seem to me like I will have a hodge podge potty training plan. Much of what I have read reflects the idea that you need a plan that will fit your child. I think to be successful, the plan needs to fit me too. So for example, I will wait until my child is really ready, but I will also wait until I am ready too!
I still have one book that I started reading and need to finish, but so far I am formulating a plan that will incorporate everything a little bit. Here's my plan:
When: Next summer when my child will be 32 months old. As a teacher, this makes the most sense to me because we can take the whole summer off from daycare to really nail it. I also don't think my L.O. will be too old, though I've read in one book that over 30 months is too old.
Method: Somewhere between child-centered and the three day potty training boot camp. I will have all summer long to work on it, but I don't want to stretch it out just because I can. I would rather do things correctly and quickly at first so we have time to refine the skills all summer long so that he can start daycare after summer with a solid foundation of learning. We will start with a few naked days so that I can tell what his signals are when he is having accidents, and so I will hopefully still have time to sit him on the potty before he stops peeing.
I don't like some aspects of the potty training boot camp (I'll get to my biggest problem with it below) but I like the idea of practicing. This method has kids practice running to the potty from where they had their accident a certain number of times. Makes sense. I can make this fun by running with my child or chasing him to the potty.
Practice makes progress in my opinion. As a teacher it wouldn't make sense for me to have any other attitude about it. But I also believe in breaking things down into smaller steps. As a teacher, I know that big learning needs to be chunked into right-sized lessons. Therefore, we will learn things before we even start, like work on getting dressed and undressed, toddler bed training, drinking from a small open cup instead of a sippy cup (to limit the amount of liquid at bedtime and make night training more successful) and hand washing (something I have already started now that we have a step ladder).
Finally, when we really do start, we will begin with learning what it means to pee and poo and how that feels (by reading lots of picture books about it together and wearing only a diaper with a wetness indicator so I can point out when he went pee). Then we will progress to where does the pee and poo go? And then start with learning (for me and him) what it feels and looks like when he needs to go, so I can remind him and he can feel it and go before he has an accident. Finally, as we get better at making it to the potty before accidents, we will progress to self-initiation, and I will stop my consistent reminders and instead ask him if he needs to go occasionally (by the end of summer, I hope!).
Motivation: Intrinsic. The last thing I want is to associate learning with rewards; potty training, while it may not be the first learning my child has done by any means, will be the first major learning that doesn't come completely naturally to my child. There will be a huge learning curve, lots of opportunities to learn from mistakes, and lots of growth involved. Just like we did a dance and got excited when he said "please" we will get excited and dance when he goes potty.
As a teacher, I have always been an advocate for growth mindset feedback. "Neat!" instead of "Good job!" and "Wow you did it!" instead of "You're so smart!" I'm going to carefully think about my wording for moments of success. "Doesn't it feel great that you did it right?" "You did it! Don't you feel proud/happy/excited?" "Let's dance to celebrate!" I will NOT be giving little toys or M&Ms to my child because he peed in the potty.
I also believe in logical and natural consequences. For example: my toddler hits me with a toy. I say "Hitting hurts," and I take the toy that he hit me with and put the toy in a "time out". That is not a natural consequence by definition, but rather a logical consequence. If my child hits the cat or pulls the cat's tail, the cat gets put out of reach and my child gets a time in to think about it, usually in his bed which is a very calming place for him. Soon I will be incorporating emotional training to help my child process his emotions and calm himself down, but for now we give time ins without his binky (which usually stays in the crib but magically disappears during a time in).
So natural consequences will help us through accidents. My child will need to help me with clean up (within reason), and I will remind him of that often, and often point out that if he goes potty it is faster than having an accident and then needing to help clean up. He can't play while he is helping clean up. It is better to take a break from playing and go potty when I remind him, rather than ignore me, have an accident and need to stop playing for a longer period of time to help clean it up. My little one loves to play and hates to be interrupted, so this will be an area I know already will have huge fallout if I don't plan ahead. And he will have a tantrum when I tell him that it's time to clean it up, probably every time, but I plan to stay firm and do what I say I will do, which is require him to help me clean it up.
Another natural reward that I have thought of is that I can keep my child on the hard floor in our living room and kitchen and make the carpeted playroom off limits until my child has been accident free for a period of time (maybe a week or a month, depending on how confident I am in his progress). This natural reward of allowing my child to go back to playing in his playroom will motivate him but it is a natural reward because cleaning up accidents on the hard floor will be much easier than accidents on the carpet and it is only natural to stay on the hard floor in the beginning. If I use a sticker chart to track his accident free days, that in my opinion is slightly different than giving a sticker for each successful use on the potty. One is a way to track progress (which is how I want to do things), the other is a reward (which is not how I want to do things). Then finally, if I use the same system to help us decide when it is safe to start going out and doing things to enjoy our summer, then we will have that tracker and motivation too.
Then instead of buying toys as rewards, I am thinking about buying fidget toys (like calm bottles, drip drop timers, and slime or putty) that he will only be allowed to play with while on the potty. This will make sitting on the potty very appealing to my son, because he loves new toys, and though the novelty will eventually ware off, it will be easy to rotate in and out new fidget toys and won't be nearly as detrimental as creating an addiction or dependence on rewards for going potty. This along with a plan for him to choose a few books he wants to keep near the potty will all add to the appeal of needing to sit for an extended period of time.
The Potty Boot Camp method recommends increasing fluid intake and rewarding kids for success with salty snacks that will increase their thirst and thus keep up their fluid intake. At first I thought I might offer my child chocolate milk or juice (when we have never given him chocolate milk or juice before) after going potty to achieve this outcome, but now I'm really second-guessing this idea. Even if I don't come out and say, "You used the potty! Nice job, you can have chocolate milk now!" I think my child is smart enough to notice the connection. He will have a meltdown if he doesn't get to have his juice, which will make his failures seem even worse. I will ask my husband what he thinks, but for now, I am going to stick with regular milk as often as my child wants a cup, and getting a new cup with a straw for water, which will make it more likely that he will drink a lot. I will NOT be rewarding my child with salty snacks to make him thirsty, but if he wants a snack, I will give him something that will go well with a drink, such as crackers and milk (rather than yogurt or applesauce which he typically doesn't need a drink to eat).
My L.O. will need to learn how to use the big toilet as well as the potty, and of course this needs to happen before we start going out to enjoy our summer with trips to Reptile Gardens and the library and the park and the pool. I'm an advocate for giving children choices within limits, rather than letting my child run the show. Saying something like, "I can see you need to go potty and it's time to go. Pee goes in the potty. We have this little potty or you can use the big toilet with the potty seat. It's up to you to use the potty before you have an accident." And then walk away and put the pressure on the child to do the right thing. Giving him that choice within limits will help him decide to go instead of have an accident. And if he starts choosing to use the potty seat on the big toilet, then it will make it all the more likely that we will be able to have success going out and enjoying our summer.
Night training has been on my mind a lot, when I didn't even really think about it at all before I started reading. I feel right now like going cold turkey on diapers will be the best method. No diapers at nap time or bed time either. I will come and wake him up in the night to go potty until he learns to wake himself up. (Which I know will take a while, but sleep deprivation during the summer is much better for a teacher than sleep deprivation over the school year, and he has to learn night training sometime. It might as well be all at once.) He will have accidents and we will clean it up together. I already use a triple layer sheet and mattress protector set up so if he has an accident in the middle of the night, all we need to do is change clothes and pull off the wet sheet and mattress protector and then try and go potty and go back to sleep on the second layer of sheets and mattress protector. I will purchase more sheets and mattress protectors so we only need to do laundry once a day and I can add sheets and mattress protectors to the bed after naps so that there are always three layers on the bed.
I'm also planning on not using pull ups, which can feel so much like a diaper that it's practically the same thing, and using boxers instead of undies. Boxers will feel more like shorts than a diaper and will give him that very different feel that will help him remember to go, and is not as extreme as going commando (which is what one of my books I read suggests!). He can choose his boxers, which will make them special to him. I've read that kids can be more motivated to avoid accidents if they will be peeing on their favorite characters (which makes a lot of sense!). It's rather common for men to sleep in nothing but boxers, so it will be a natural progression for my son, I think. Getting sheets with favorite characters will help with naps and bedtime too!
So all in all, I have one more book to read and the beginnings of a very solid plan. I think we will start toddler bed training over winter break and start using small open cups instead of sippy cups at spring break. Then it will just be up to my daycare provider to keep using open cups until the end of the school year. We will start the last week of school with books about toilet training, all the while saying, "When mommy and daddy start staying home with you for summer, we will start potty training." Then on the first day after we finish teaching, we will go buy new boxers and sheets for the bed and new fidget toys and books for the potty, plus a few cups with straws for increasing his fluid intake. He will have one more day with diapers where I help him notice when he went pee in his diaper and change him every time, and in which I will put the poop from his diaper into the toilet instead of just putting it into the diaper pail. Then before bed that night, we will donate the rest of his diapers, so that there won't be any diapers in the house to tempt anyone into going back. And we will push forward and never look back.
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